Friday, February 13, 2009

Not an auspicious start to the year

It took me years of writing...not writing...agonizing because I couldn't write...struggling to write before I finally understood my process. It came in stages. First, I had no idea there was a process. Then, after a while, I came to see that it worked but I had no idea how. Then finally, I realized how my process worked. Imagine how relieved I was. This was not some mercurial "something" that came and went without reason. Now I could identify the steps and stages. Now I could feel as if I had some control over my creative energy. I could work the process. I could jump start it if it stalled out.

And then the last few months came.

It's not just that I can't write. It's that I don't care. No, that's not right either. It's more like my brain has slipped into some kind of weird torpor and I can't wake it up. I could run the same start-up routine if my brain would respond. But it doesn't. It's like it's been sedated but without the sense of well-being. In fact, it feels bad. There's some strange new dynamic in my consciousness that's affecting my ability to create.

I'm not going to panic yet. I've been through dry patches before and every time I've come out of them. But I don't like this one. I think there's some depression in here somewhere. This is new for me and I don't like it. I could list a dozen causes for it but that doesn't help restart the engine. I guess I'm just going to have to hunker down and wait it out.

6 comments:

fermicat said...

I'm in an uncreative period as well. My photography muse has gone away and I haven't had a decent jewelry-making idea in a couple of years. I've tried sitting with all my tools and beads, but nothing comes. I wish that an idea or two would come to me, but I haven't even wanted to take any photographs lately. Not even bad ones.

TheWriteGirl said...

Do you suppose that there's something in the air? Maybe it's affecting everyone. It's very strange. I'm feeling depressed, which is not me at all. And what is this jewelry making? I didn't know about this at all!

fermicat said...

That's because I haven't made anything cool in several years. I used to make jewelry and sell it at local shops (in MA) on consignment. But lately... nada.

BC said...

I go into periods where I dont write or make anything. Hang in there. When it hits you, you will wish for a break. *hugs*

TheWriteGirl said...

Thanks for the encouragement. I think maybe I'm getting close to the end of it. (hope hope)

BC said...

I hope so too. But we really do get that way. Especially at this time of the year when the weather plays a role in our subconsciousness.